I have been reading this book- The Age of Heretics by Art Kleiner, of which contents admonished me that there is much to be done.
For a long time, I had been in a place of uncertainty and complacency and which I still am. Without an idea of what I wanted to do with my life, other than some vague goals and dreams, I have always dreaded when the time comes when the world of education ends, and which I would then fall into a drudgery of everyday work. One that I would eventually get used to and be numbed by, being turned into yet another zombie of the world; another worker in the production cycle of the economic system. And this uneasy feeling was one that I could never shake off.
There is though, another way out, but that path is one that requires courage. A path of change and revitalization, and one that requires many changes on my own part and ones which I feel difficult if not impossible to undertake. I felt unready to embark upon this quest, but it is inevitable and a matter of time. I can no longer to wallow in complacency if such a quest is to be undertaken. Many times have I pondered over the costs of such an action. Many times have I wondered upon passiveness and the benefits of doing nothing. For how long can the comfort in my passiveness be justified? When will Parzival’s Dilemma set in?
The stakes were too high for error. If we are damned for our actions but don’ t know our action’s result, then how dare we act? And yet, how dare we refrain?
Parzival was a young knight of Arthur’s round table faced by a dilemma at a turning point of his life- the Parzival’s dilemma. At the most pivotal moment in his travels, he met a wounded king who had could only be cured by the spontaneous act of a knight’s noble heart. Though Parzival felt drawn to rise up and ask the king, “What afflicts thee, Uncle?” he did not, due to a certain fear behind the veil of a knight’s politeness in training. He woke up alone the next morning. The castle vanished and he spent the next 5 years of his life lost and ashamed before finding his way back to the castle and healing the king.
“Every act is Pelagian in its intent, full of grace, and yet every well-intentioned act produces bitter consequences. Given that harsh reality, there is only one course to follow. Lean toward the good. Turn your mind to humility. Deepen your own understanding, so that when called upon to say, “What afflicts thee, Uncle?” you can confidently rise to the occasion.
We can all feel it when the pivot moments come. When the signs all show that it is time to rise to the occasion. The turning points; the critical moments where your very act can make a difference. One that, should we not act in that moment in time result in shame and an inability to face ourselves and the principles which we deem proud to uphold. Have I not failed before and felt the very same? Have I not grew bitter and stubborn in denial? Have I not sought for a second chance? Will I be able to play the role to perfection when it finally comes?