Depressing Thoughts

When we are young, we dream great dreams. Filled we hope, we think of wonderful days ahead; life filled with youth, happiness, romance, perhaps riches and fame. 

But as months turn into years, and years into decades, we take stock of our achievements… Only to find that our lives had been but ordinary, that we are not much different from most of our peers. We look upon those whom we considered having made it with a slight envy, and sooth ourselves that we have not fallen into worse predicament to that of others. We ponder upon the choices we have made along the way. If only we had chosen that career, made that move, chose a different partner, how would life be like now? Would we have been happier?

We then ponder on life. If our path in life is as fated as they say it is. Still, we go through life with hope of a better tomorrow, and the sense that we would eventually find meaning in our lives. That our struggles would be worth it; our investments bear fruit. Slowly and gradually, silently without a sound, father time turns the clock. Wrinkles appear, our health ails.

We stare at our possessions, our partners, our children and grandchildren. It dawns on us that this is the result of the life we once had such huge hopes for. This is life. The achievements we strove so hard for, are but a trickle in the sand now. What impact we think we have made upon the world, and had once been proud of had been replaced by others. Trophies and prizes were all a thing of the past. Forgotten by everyone save ourselves.

We ask ourselves once more, what is the point of all this? Is this what I want? Have I gotten what I wanted out of life? Some despair and turn from these uncomfortable thoughts. Others convince (delude?) themselves that yes, these choices were ones they had made, and they accepted the consequences.

Are our lives truly our own? For most of us it had been a life bogged by responsibilities. From parents to children to society. How many of us have expected our lives to have ended up where it is today. The magic fairy tale in movies and dramas are just that- fairy tales. In the end, it is but an ordinary life in fulfillment of our respective obligations.

We resign to fate. The older we get, the stronger is the sense of the power of God’s all-consuming will. What then? Is this what I want to think about when I am 60? Going through life striving for things, which in the end comes to nothing. Pleasures die off, advantages cease, youth disappears, satisfaction from wealth saturates. What is worth it?